Being a mom is not easy. It never has been. Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of moments that are filled with love and laughter and happy memories. Today was hard though. Having four little kids means that there is at least two people screaming at all times, milk and juice spilled all over the ground every day, poopy messes to clean up and tantrums to discipline. It's a tough job. Some things in life give you an instant result. If I bake rolls for 20 minutes in the oven, they will turn out golden brown. If I pay my electric bill, my lights will work. The jobs of a mother are complex and the result of happy, successful children may not manifest right away.
I woke up this morning thinking how I want to make today about the kids. I don't want to be running tons of errands or scrubbing my floors all day. I want to make today fun and carefree. However, my attempts seem to have failed. I let the kids go swimming but the fighting got so bad that we threw in the towel. I tried doing crafts and stories with the kids, but everything was wrong and complained about. It seems that all I tried to do today was met with an ungrateful heart and annoyed disposition. That's why being a mom is hard. I want to connect with my kids emotionally and show them that I do things with them to show them my love. When those moments turn out to be memories I'd rather NOT remember, I scratch my head and wonder where I went wrong. I'm just not sure what to do.
I am going to ask Josh to give me a blessing so I can get some more guidance. I need some desperately. It always helps talking to my friends who have kids the same age. I'll see them tomorrow, so hopefully they will have some more advice for me.
Til next time....
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