As a kid, you often think that life will be easier when you're an adult. You get to be your own boss, make your own choices, not have to worry about homework. You know, stuff like that. On the flip side, adults realize the carefree attitude that children get to posses. This week, I definitely felt the weight of being an adult. We are on the second week of school. The beginning of this week was greeted by a horribly depressive Monday. I know I have depression. I've accepted that. However, I often don't realize just how bad it is because I am taking anti-depressants. Every now and then, I have a really, really bad day. It feels as if I have no medication in my body and everything just feels numb.
This Monday was that day for me. I was so tired, (which is a side effect of the depression). I felt like it was hard to walk from one room to the next. It was too much to play with my sweet Jenna. It was too much to call my mom and tell her how I felt. It was too much to smile. I hate days like that. I guess those bad days are good in the sense that it keeps me humble. I have to be taught and retaught that I am in need of help. I don't have it all under control. I can't do it by myself. And that's okay.
I did end up calling my mom later that afternoon. I cried and cried to her. She's the best. She is so understanding and completely nonjudgmental when it comes to her kids. She just listened and sympathized with me and I could feel her support. It comes so naturally for her. Unfortunately, I am not like my mom in that way. I wish I was. I have to develop that characteristic. It's hard for me to always feel sympathetic. Hopefully, I will get better as my kids get older and are less whine-y than they are now.
My mom was pretty worried about me and called me later that night to see how I was doing. Things really had improved from earlier in the day. She asked me what was it that had helped me to turn things around. I thought for a second, thinking through the course of my day, when my mind landed on 5:30. What's so special about 5:30? That is the time that my true love walks through the door after a long, hard day at work. He comes in every day and greets me with a kiss. I hugged him and all of my worry and anxiety over the day meled away as he held me close. I know I am one of the lucky ones. I know most people don't have a love like we do. He is my source of comfort and peace. I love him dearly.
to finish later....
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