Andrew's Anxiety

It's sprinkling outside as I sit on my front porch of our apartment.  I'm watching the kids ride their bikes for some much needed outside time.  Jenna is happiest when she's playing outside, rain or shine.  I just had a few thoughts this morning.  Our move to Georgia has been surprisingly difficult for Andrew.  He has had major anxiety about being in Primary.  On the first Sunday here, the teacher let him out of his class without me coming to pick him up.  He wandered around the building for a long time before he finally found me.  Once he got to me, his poor face was swollen and blotchy and he was sobbing.  My heart broke for him.  I gave him lots of hugs and told him that I would never leave church without him.  However, it was truly a traumatizing experience for him.  For the next two months, Andrew cried every single day, sometimes uncontrollably, about the fear of being alone or being left.  He was so scared that I wouldn't be able to find him.  Every Sunday during Sacrament Meeting, he sobbed horribly to the point that we had to take him out.  Josh and I tried our best to comfort him.  We would come check on him several times during Primary.  We would leave our class early to be sure that we got to his class before the teacher released him.  Even with all of this extra support, Andrew still was suffering.  Each time we would go check on him, he was already crying.  The teachers had to take him out to show him where his class would be and to comfort him.  Some Saturday nights he would cry for two or so hours.  Once, I even had to climb in his bed and sing him Primary songs until he fell asleep because he could hardly bare the fear.
I think we've passed the hump of this fear but I've thought that before and then he'll have a really bad day.  I've been thinking about this and wondering if there is some lesson to be learned here.  I think we can see this as a very symbolic lesson to be learned.  Sometimes in our own lives, we may struggle to believe that God is really there.  We may feel alone and scared.  We may feel fear of facing life's challenges by ourselves.  We may feel anxious about the unknown.  However, just like Josh and I were there trying to comfort Andrew, our Heavenly parents are there trying to comfort us.  Sometimes Andrew wouldn't allow the comfort to settle in.  Sometimes he let his fear dominate his emotions.  Sometimes we do the same.  In order to have that comfort that we are so desperately needing in our lives settle into our hearts, we have to make a bit of a leap of faith.  We have to believe for a moment in the dark that someone is truly there.  We can't see God.  His words are not audible.  However, His presence is real.  His comfort is constant.  His love is never ending.  God is there for us always.  It was so easy for Josh and me to see that if Andrew could just trust us to know that we would be right there to help him feel calm, that all would be well.  He really struggled with that.  Sometimes we also really struggle with trusting God.  It's interesting too that when Andrew does start to believe that we'll be there for him that he is so much happier.  His fear and anxiety are diminished.  His spirits are lifted.  When we do the same with God, we too are happier, less anxious, and can feel of His love more.

Back to School

Today is the first day of school.  We just dropped Anna and Andrew off at Malcom Bridge Elementary for the first time.  New school.  New year.  New start.  Anna is going into second grade and Andrew into kindergarten.  They were both so excited this morning.  Anna couldn't even finish her breakfast.  I remember feeling like that on my first day, knowing I should eat but feeling too full of jitters to make room for one more bite.  Andrew cried last night because he was worried about riding the bus.  I think his teacher is perfect for helping him to feel loved and secure.  My heart is bursting with happiness for them both.  They both seemed so brave as we left them, ready for their new adventure.  

I was on Facebook this week and my friend Vonae Tanner wrote this about her boys.  I thought it was so good and exactly how I feel.  Read below. 


"Concerns of a school mom .
How will my child fit in ? Will the pull of popularity move him to join the mean gang, will the shunning of the popular leave him wounded and insecure? Will he find a good friend, will he be a good friend? Will he turn to me in times of pain, will I be aware enough to know that's why he's out of sorts? Will he be able to endure the 6 hours of structured activity and instruction with only a 20 minute break? Will he dread the 20 minutes that he could be left lonely or picked on? Will he learn the curriculum? Will he learn the unwritten rules of social life? Will he learn his class route and locker combo? Will he remember and believe how awesome he is and that everyone is a
Little broken somewhere? And will he accept both his awesomeness and his broken? Will he be
Protected? Will I be able to both nurture him and make sure
He gets everything done each day that he has too? Can we get the to-do list done without breaking the spirit of growing up?
The only thing I can do is pray for him, for them all, for us all, and the most powerful, influential, meaningful thing I can do is pray for him. And for us all.
A free education is an amazing gift to be cherished. Awesome? Yes. Broken? Yes. Amen."

I always thought that I would be able to "control" my kids more than I actually can.  I thought that telling my kids to stop and putting them in time out once or twice would solve the problem.  I didn't know that the teaching would be SO constant.  So, when I read this quote, it made me think about my own children.  Will they remember all I have tried to teach them?  Have I done enough to help them thrive?  Have I given the confidence to be brave, to be a good friend even when it's not popular?  

I started praying for their teachers.  I haven't done that in the past but I feel inspired to do so now.  Jinger Deason wrote to me and said that she's been praying constantly that her girls will find good friends and have the confidence they need.  I felt pricked a bit because I realized that I could really be using the power of prayer much more than I am.  So, from now on, I'm going to pray for their teachers and their friends daily.  I'm going to pray that they can be kind and have courage to stand for what's right.  I'm going to pray for their ability to learn and grow.  I believe in prayer, so now I have to take that belief and turn it into action. 

I think this is going to be a wonderful school year.  I can't wait to see their progress.  I have great hopes for all of their positive experiences.