It's sprinkling outside as I sit on my front porch of our apartment. I'm watching the kids ride their bikes for some much needed outside time. Jenna is happiest when she's playing outside, rain or shine. I just had a few thoughts this morning. Our move to Georgia has been surprisingly difficult for Andrew. He has had major anxiety about being in Primary. On the first Sunday here, the teacher let him out of his class without me coming to pick him up. He wandered around the building for a long time before he finally found me. Once he got to me, his poor face was swollen and blotchy and he was sobbing. My heart broke for him. I gave him lots of hugs and told him that I would never leave church without him. However, it was truly a traumatizing experience for him. For the next two months, Andrew cried every single day, sometimes uncontrollably, about the fear of being alone or being left. He was so scared that I wouldn't be able to find him. Every Sunday during Sacrament Meeting, he sobbed horribly to the point that we had to take him out. Josh and I tried our best to comfort him. We would come check on him several times during Primary. We would leave our class early to be sure that we got to his class before the teacher released him. Even with all of this extra support, Andrew still was suffering. Each time we would go check on him, he was already crying. The teachers had to take him out to show him where his class would be and to comfort him. Some Saturday nights he would cry for two or so hours. Once, I even had to climb in his bed and sing him Primary songs until he fell asleep because he could hardly bare the fear.
I think we've passed the hump of this fear but I've thought that before and then he'll have a really bad day. I've been thinking about this and wondering if there is some lesson to be learned here. I think we can see this as a very symbolic lesson to be learned. Sometimes in our own lives, we may struggle to believe that God is really there. We may feel alone and scared. We may feel fear of facing life's challenges by ourselves. We may feel anxious about the unknown. However, just like Josh and I were there trying to comfort Andrew, our Heavenly parents are there trying to comfort us. Sometimes Andrew wouldn't allow the comfort to settle in. Sometimes he let his fear dominate his emotions. Sometimes we do the same. In order to have that comfort that we are so desperately needing in our lives settle into our hearts, we have to make a bit of a leap of faith. We have to believe for a moment in the dark that someone is truly there. We can't see God. His words are not audible. However, His presence is real. His comfort is constant. His love is never ending. God is there for us always. It was so easy for Josh and me to see that if Andrew could just trust us to know that we would be right there to help him feel calm, that all would be well. He really struggled with that. Sometimes we also really struggle with trusting God. It's interesting too that when Andrew does start to believe that we'll be there for him that he is so much happier. His fear and anxiety are diminished. His spirits are lifted. When we do the same with God, we too are happier, less anxious, and can feel of His love more.
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