I guess I shouldn't only write when I'm feeling super emotional. It seems that I'm either in a really good mood or a rotten one when I decide to write. Today is just a normal day. We met with the cabinet guys this morning to discuss some changes we wanted to make to our kitchen. It was super helpful. They broke ground on our house this week. It was actually a funny experience. We were driving home from somewhere and I almost always stop by our lot on the way home before heading back to the apartment. As we rounded the corner on Cumberland Trail, I saw a tractor moving dirt around. I screamed, "Oh my gosh! That tractor is moving!" I heard four little gasps from the back seat and then everyone started screaming. I couldn't believe that they FINALLY started. It seemed like it never was actually going to happen but right there before my eyes, was a beautiful yellow tractor moving around OUR dirt! We drove up to the lot and took lots of pictures to send to Josh. I felt dumb as I rolled down my window and snapped 25 pictures of the man on the tractor. I'm sure he thought I was crazy at that moment, and that thought has been solidified over the past few days as we go by 3 or 4 times a day to take more pictures. I feel like the paparazzi.
Last night we drove by after seven to go walk around. It was so fun to see the progress. The kids climbed the huge mountains of red clay and had the time of their lives. They came away looking more like oompa loompas than my own children. Their faces, hands, and feet were covered in orange. We stuck them in the bath right when we got home and the water instantly looked murky. Josh and I could have stood there all night. We loved just being there and imagining what it may look like. It was a good night.
Josh and I have been trying to get pregnant for several months now without success. Every month that I start my period, I feel relieved though. I don't think it's quite time to have another baby. Josh is actually the one who proposed the idea to wait. Life is quite hectic right now and we are really struggling to have peaceful days with the kids. It's not the best time to have another child. I know life will always be hectic but with all that's going on right now, it's better to wait to have another baby.
Being a parent is only about one million times harder than I thought it ever would be. I think that things are especially hard right now because we're living in such a small apartment. There is no yard for the kids to run and play in. We're just cooped up and on each other's nerves all the time. I'm very much looking forward to having room to breathe when we move to our big house.
Anna started piano lessons last week. She is taking lessons with a girl in our ward, Audra Loyd. Audra has been living in NYC for the last several years and even attended Julliard School of Music. Our practices with Anna have been incredibly challenging. She very easily gets overwhelmed and frustrated. She cries and cries and gives up every time she doesn't understand something. It's been rough. I know that things will begin to improve as she learns how to practice and what to expect from each day. Once she really grasps that she can't master something over just a few days, I think things will turn around. The end of the week was much better than the beginning. She started gaining confidence and her pieces started sounding much better. I emailed Audra and told her how everything went. She tailored her next lesson accordingly, and I was so grateful. I want piano to be a pleasant experience for her and I think we're on the right track now.
I got asked to play the role of Mary Magdalene at youth conference this week. I'm excited to be able to help out. It's been really good for me to study more about the Savior. It's amazing how cruel the people were to Jesus Christ. I feel like I've gained a deeper sense of how heavy those days around his death really were. We're having a dress rehearsal for the event tomorrow. I am really nervous about it actually. I don't know anyone here so I feel like I can't be totally comfortable with them all yet. I need to just get over it. Prayer will help.
The Stake President called Josh a few weeks ago and asked if we could meet with him. We were at my mom's house that week so he said he would have the executive secretary call to schedule an appointment. That was almost two weeks ago and still no appointment. I thought he was going to be asked to be a member of the bishopric because our first counselor is moving. If that's the case, then I'm trying to enjoy my Sundays with him while I can. It's amazing how much easier it is to sit through church with two adults rather than one.
Overall, I'm feeling happier than I have in a while. For the last two months I feel like my depression has just been staring me in the face every day. It's been so much worse. I also have been taking less medicine so that I could get my body ready to be pregnant. I feel really relieved to not be getting pregnant just yet. I will be ready in not too long but for now, I'm happy to wait.
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