I feel disgusting.  I feel sad and angry and like I want to just give up on everything.  I want to give up being a mom and a wife and just living.  I hate it all.  I can't seem to do anything right.  I'm just so mad.  When I'm mad, everyone is mad at me for not being happy.  Today was supposed to be a good day.  We were going to go meet Josh at school and see his new office.  We were going to have lunch with him and enjoy an hour together.  Instead it was incredibly awkward, forced, and filled with tension and hard feelings.  Josh was mad at me because I supposedly snapped at him.  I was mad at the kids.  The kids were mad at each other.  It was awful.  Just plain awful.  I feel like I can barely make it here.  I can't handle feeling like this.  I literally want to just curl up and be left alone.  Being alone doesn't help.  It makes it worse.  So I feel trapped.
I know that none of this should be how I feel but it is.  I have nothing else to say.  I just want to escape.